Not the Super Powers You Are Expecting

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I have a lot of internal dialogue. So much that when I see someone that I maybe had a thoughtful discussion with, I feel like they know and are evaluating a conversation that they were never part of.

My dialogue also gives me the innate ability to talk myself through a distance plan with people. I can distance myself so far away that I will never speak to them again. I ain’t mad. I am just done. However, with that ability, I also tend not to tell them. I do it.

Someone asked me recently if I missed them. I was gone on a vacay or something. My reply, “No.” I don’t mean to be mean, but I do not know how to “miss” anything or anyone. I think I could at some point in my life, but so much has happened in the in-between.

I also gained the awkward ability not to be able to accept a compliment. I would say that 90 percent of the compliments given I say to myself, “Okay, whatever.” and change the subject. Why is this? I do offer a half-assed, “Thank You,” but that is about all I can muster.

Now don’t get me wrong; this is not about how I get compliments all the time. This is about the once in a while chance, one slips out, and I am trying to run away as it splashes in my ears.

As the years roll on by, I spend a lot of time alone. It is a choice, I guess. I can’t say I sat down one day and said, “Self, it is time to be alone.” It just started to evolve.

I was VERY social growing up and through at least my early 30’s. I met a lot of people. I hung out at a lot of places. Nowadays, I can barely remember some of the faces, and the sites have been replaced with other venues.

I still have grand ideas of being around people and envision all the laughs, but if the day ever arrives, I don’t want to go. It sounded good at the time, but nah, I am good. Here. Alone.

If an extrovert can become an introvert, I have mastered it.

Have I mentioned that I am medicated? HA! It just takes the edge off so I can stand myself. Knowing me is at your own risk. πŸ™‚

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Originally a Greyhound from Knox City and after spending 16 years in Lubbock she is now back to small town living in Abernathy and a proud Antelope! Julie has been a single mom since 2011 when her daughter Emery was born. She is a huge animal lover and currently has a couple of canines, Hero and Galaxy. Her biggest dream is to live on some land, in a tiny house and be surrounded by donkeys, cows, dogs and maybe an alpaca! Julie is the Compliance and Fleet Manger for a local concrete company. With big goals set, she and Emery hope to make it to all 50 states before she graduates from high school. Favorite Restaurant: Yamagata Japanese Steakhouse Favorite Landmark: The drive around MacKenzie, Dog and Cesar Chavez Parks Favorite Tradition: Pumpkin Trail at the Arboretum